Sunday, November 2, 2008

Harta!!

Ya no puedo más, no sé qué hacer. Mi enamorada me tiene en el limbo, con sus inseguridades me pone los nervios de punta. No es justo lo que me hace, me hiere tanto y lo hace a propósito...yo no tuve la menor intensión de hacerle daño, pero ha tomado mis errores e inseguridades y los ha vuelto contra mí, asegurándose de que me duela. Me pregunto si eso es amar de verdad.

Se supone que el amor es incondicional...entiendo que algunas veces sea difícil amar a alguien por todo lo que es, siempre va a haber algo que no nos guste, pero no es justo hacer de lado a quien supuestamente amamos cuando más lo necesita, sólo porque cometió un error que nos afectó. Me pareció muy injusta y egoísta. Me trató tan mal y aun así sigo detrás de ella y no entiendo por qué. Tengo ganas de decir basta y no lo consigo. Me duele tanto pesar que tal vez no sea la persona que creí, que tal vez esta no será la única vez que me trate así y que si no hago algo al respecto me voy a arrepentir más adelante.

Cómo quisiera decirle todo lo que pienso, pero sé que ese sería el fin de nuestra relación y un muy mal fin.

Cuál es el límite??????????????

Friday, August 29, 2008

got disconnected

I know, I know, it's been forever since I last posted, but I was distracted...there's this girl who's got me busy...I can't believe all the things I'm doing for her. Like now, I am killing time at the airport, waiting for my flight to Calgary (where she's from). It's 3:36 am and I haven't slept at all. I decided to fly and see her 2 hours ago and here I am now, after the girl whom, I hope, will be the one...I've never done anything like this in my life. I always took "calculated risks", but with her I am breaking my own rules and I can't seem to find my rational self. My heart has completely taken over and my mind can do nothing but to follow it.

This girl has captivated me in a way no one ever has. Not only do I have very strong feelings for her, but I am extremely attracted to her (which is rare). She makes me feel like everything is possible, but at the same time I feel like nothing I could ever do would be big enough or worthy of her. She thinks I'm the better person in our relationship, she thinks I could leave her any minute, but the truth is I couldn't leave her even if I tried. I played hard to get for a while, I didn't want to be too easy, but she found her way to my heart and hasn't left since. I miss her when I'm not with her, I long to hear her voice and be around her...I just need her so much.

Things are not always easy for us, but at the end of the day we understand each other and know we want to be together no matter what. I haven't felt this happy in years...

Thursday, August 7, 2008

she said it perfectly

just an article that I read about lipstick lesbians:

http://bad.eserver.org/issues/2001/54/lehner.html

Thursday, July 17, 2008

giddy

I am soooo giddy!!! it's about something so silly, but it totally made my day. A girl messaged me on one of those lesbians sites and the compliment she made about my smile totally made my day. Really, it's not much, but it made me feel great:

Tengo una curiosidad: ¿Es cierto que tienes poderes o como sospecho es sólo que sabes manejar muy bien esa preciosa sonrisa ;-)?

I just told my best friend about it, hahaha, I'm hopeless, I'm such a sucker for nice words and compliments.

(off daydreaming...)

Gio.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

qué emoción!!

Acabo de leer un artículo sobre el grupo LESBOH de la UC de Chile (y pensar que desistí de irme de intercambio ahí!!!). Me parece increíble lo que han logrado; unirse y formar un grupo capaz de brindar un espacio para las lesbianas de conocerse y sentirse identificadas. Ya quisiera yo que hubiera algo así en mi U. Bueno, lo hay y se llama FLOW, pero no es nada comparado al de la UC. Recuerdo que fui a una de sus reuniones de los miércoles y se sentía tan muerto, no habían ánimos, lo peor es que no me sentí identificada con el grupo. Sería problema mío o es que realmente les falta algo?

Gio.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

going straight?

Nawww, don't think so, but I seem to be more in touch with my feminine side lately...Not sure why, I guess I'm being over influenced by my friends and the media, but now I pick out "girlier" things when I go shopping.
I never really liked to accessorize, but now that's all I think about. I care about colours, things matching, etc. And what am I getting out of this? Having more guys notice me...Isn't that what all lesbians secretly wish for? ... Not in a million years.

Gio.

P.S.: Going out with Eliana tomorrow...

Monday, July 7, 2008

girls girls girls

I met this girl a couple of days ago. Her name is Eliana. I think she likes her middle name better though: Sabrina (which I like better too)
I've been thinking about her quite a bit and I wish I could stop! She's straight, of course, and very much into men (unlike some 40something yr olds with whom one may have some hope of luring into the lesbian team - at least for some time - because they are completely disillusioned with men). I met Eliana through this website where you find hispanic ppl living in every corner of the world. I had totally forgotten that I messaged her until she messaged back with her msn address. I added her and then we chatted for a bit. I found out that she hadn't been going out much because she was seeing a guy who wasn't too keen on doing anything other than chatting and going to house parties every now and then. Eliana seemed bored with the city (she's kinda new new here) and wanting to go back to her country. I was a bit bored as well, as I'm just here visiting for a month, so I offered we do something together and she said that it would be great. I didn't take her word for it though, because I have met quite a few girls on the net in the past and most "we should hang out" end up in nothing. With that in mind I didn't bother to ask her to go out, but then she asked what I was up to for the weekend and I said I might go clubbing with a couple of friends (both of whom stood me up at the last minute) and invited her to join us. She said she may, she wasn't sure because she was supposed to meet a guy in the afternoon...(how awesome). But since we were both going to the jazz festival that day, she said I could join her and her friend.

I HAD TO BE LATE...*sigh*, somehow I managed to get to the meeting spot 15 minutes late, but before I got there she gave me a call (which reassured me, as ppl I meet on the net tend to bail out) and I told her I was going to be late. Unfortunately, we missed each other and she left without me. And after waiting for more than half an hour I decided to call the number back (she doesn't have a cell) and it turned out to be her friend's. She told me they had waited for awhile and didn't see me, so they started heading to the Old Port. They were about 7 blocks away when I talked to her and I was so confused as to where they were that I thought about staying at the festival and forgetting about her. But for some reason I decided to follow them, I'm not sure why, it's like I was too drawn to her (to her voice?), I couldn't pull away.

After a lot of walking, my feet were starting to hurt and I was getting a bit pissed because I knew they kept moving away instead of waiting for me (I would later understand why). I called her again and she roughly explained where they were, but as it was a kind of park it was difficult to point their exact location, but I kept going...I had to call her one more time and she finally saw me. I totally missed her because I wasn't wearing contacts or glasses...it was kinda embarrassing because I said I had seen her over the phone, when in reality I was looking at someone else, so I went the wrong way. She came out to meet me and the first thing I thought was "wow, she looks just like Mayra (my best friend, with whom I have a looooooooooooooong history and was madly in love with for the longest time)". They look so alike it's uncanny. Anyway, I followed to where they were sitting. Her friend was a girl from Colombia. The first thing I noticed was that the girl would only talk to her boyfriend and her boyfriend's friend. They pretty much ignored Eliana. That did not make sense to me at all. She's such a sweet girl and she's also cute and funny. I think the boyfriend's friend might have a crush on here and therefore had the brilliant strategy of ignoring her to get her attention...Anyhow, we chatted for a long time, until the others finally decided to include us in the conversation.

She's so amazing! She was really nice to me and seemed to be up for going anywhere else with me (did somebody make a good impression?), if we were bored. We ended up staying with the colombian/mexican crew and they decided to go dancing. We followed along and found ourselves in a rather unique club. They had live music, it was more like a pub than a club and most of the songs they played were in french. Surprisingly though, they were really catchy songs and with the guys buying us drinks we had a blast!!! At the end of the night her and I ended up dancing together in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by a bunch of men. It was sooo much fun! I laughed a lot. She would later tell me that she hadn't had as much fun in a long time and she said she really liked me. Of course that only means that she likes me as a friend and I'm trying to not think of her in any other way, but it's just too hard! I really like her...oh gosh, not again!